Who's your Composer?

I have been thinking a lot about WHY JESUS? There are so many who don't know the unconditional love and acceptance of Christ or who distort Him and His Word through religion. I have been asked if God wants us to change then does He really love us JUST AS WE ARE?! Yes He does BUT He loves us to much to leave us that way. I have to look at this as His wanting us to be the BEST version of ourselves as possible.

Give the same rough draft to dozens of people and NOT one person will come up with the same thing. Their work will reflect that person's own experiences, thoughts, desires, fears, etc. We can let wordly people with their own agendas, even the BEST people you know, try to make us the most beautiful symphony, but they will put their own experiences in YOUR work. GOD is PERFECTION! Why not let the most qualified, loving, selfless person compose our song? He is taking what you lay at his feet and turning it into the most beautiful version of work that you could possibly be! He isn't trying to change you, he is GOING to produce a better YOU! He does this because He loves you and wants the very best version of ourselves to shine through.

Anything that shines has a LIGHT reflecting from them! Let GOD help you to shine so that when somone looks at you they see a shimmer coming from you and see HIS LIGHT. You may be that shimmer of light to someone in trapped in darkness trying to find their way out.

THAT shimmer is why God changes us to be better and doesn't leave us how we are. Not only does He love us enough to compose our best version of self, He loves those around you who may need to see you SHINE!

Children's Dedication

So like many people my age i am surrounded by the generation before mine's DIVORCE! So instead of the what should be (my belief of course is that marriage is FOREVER so this is how it should be in my life) 2 sets of grandparent and 1 set of inlaws to deal with I am now blessed with FOUR sets of grandparents and TWO sets of inlaws. Aside from the advice and comments about your parenting (given more as subtle jabs in the form of how they did things) from 2 inlaws, I have to take into consideration their "feelings" whenever my husband and I plan anything concerning our children. WOW does the phrase "sins of our fathers" come to mind. Although all of us married folk know that it truly does take 2 to make a marriage work and to make a marriage fall apart.

another little preach of mine PLEASE LOVE YOURSELF BEFORE YOU TRY TO LOVE ANOTHER!!!! MARRIAGE IS HARD AND IF YOU DONT LOVE YOURSELF HOW IS SOMEONE ELSE SUPPOSE TOO? YOU WILL ALWAYS NEED MORE THAN YOUR HUSBAND/WIFE IS ABLE TO GIVE YOU! GET RIGHT WITH THE LORD AND LET HIM LOVE YOU!!!!!!! THROUGH HIS LOVE YOU WILL BE ABLE TO LOVE YOURSELF!!

ok so back to the kid's dedication. we planned a little reception afterwards which of course has become a HUGE deal because BJ's dad and grandmother do not want to be around his mother. I get cheating and divorce hurt but you are remarried and your grandchildren should come first. Love the Lord you proclaim and let him take away to hurt. be the Christian you say you are and find forgiveness and grace!

I have come to the place where what is important is no longer your feeling but MINE and my children's! no longer will i be concerned with you and your SELF exclusion!

wow does it feel better to say that out loud and put in on paper(blog)!

in conclusion find what works for you and your family and do it. dont be concerned with others and their relationship with your family. let them be responsible for their own actions and feelings and let your feeling be known!

MARRIAGE=ALWAYS love, sometimes like..

So now that I have added a another baby, taken time off school, began my intimate relationship with Jesus, now have 2 toddlers, my mother living me, and a whole new craziness going on.. I have decided it is time to document. It will be a little of everything...rants, enlightened moments, proud moments, advice.

I am not by any means in expert at anything. I set my mind to something and will do or bend just about anything in order to make it work. Some people find this beyond insane, I on the other hand find it to be my saving grace.

One thing I feel I was blessed with is determination. Determination to MAKE my marriage last FOREVER, to have happy, healthy children, to have a livable house, to make meaningful relationships, etc. You know all the things that are important in life.

That being said today's post is my take on marriage. After having lunch with an old friend whom I gave my take on marriage to, I decided sometimes I just a little reminder myself. WHY waste money on a marriage counselor? One person will always think the counselor is bias and not to mention they don't give the best advice! Maybe it is the "healthy" way to handle problem but it rarely fits inour realities. Granted some do give good advice, but really the answer to a successfull marriage is simple! Here it is...are you ready....DECIDE YOU WANT TO BE MARRIED.

Not everyday will be blissful, the type of love you have for each other will come and go in lulls. YOU have to decide to make it work. Your spouse may drive you crazy. I have personally wanted to shoot, strangle, run over, stab BJ on SOOOO many different occasions. I have learned to BE angry, see yourself doing these things then LET IT GO and learn to think differently.

Example.. FRIDAY DEC. 23. The kids and I (NO HUBS) are going to head down to VA to see my family. BJ knows we need to leave by 7:00 (we had to drive him to his dad's wher ehis truck was)!!! He decides to take a bath, take a call, and then help out a little. I WAS UP AT 5!!! Needless to say at 8:30 and completely unsatisfied with my appearance for lack of time and 3 children we are heading out the door. I was so mad, I put an angry post on FB and imagined hurting him in a variety of different ways. Then I got over it. I decided okay, this happened so I would avoid traffic or an accident, and then I was fine. I had to think of it in a different was. I had a conversation with myself..opps I mean BJ and told him my new revelation. PRIDE beamed from his face. I'd like to say it is because I came to not being mad and rationalized this on my own without making his life miserable BUT I am pretty sure it is just because he was off the hook and had "won" and didn't even have to speak.

I know many will find this crazy but I am pretty sure I won. I made the decision my marriage would last NO MATTER WHAT and I am doing everything in MY power to stay positive and happy and in love with the decision I made and the man I promised my forever too.

LIFE, LOVE, AND MARRIAGE ARE ABOUT FINDING A WAY TO MAKE YOURSELF HAPPY, even if it means you may have to compromise yourself a little to be happy and keep your vows.

Get creative but most of all get happy in your situation, especially if little people are involved. Divorce is a choice. Choose your vows. Choose the coventant you made to yourself, your partner, and GOD. Marriage is not just a piece a paper, as many UNmarried people believe, it is decision made by 2 people. God knows BJ and I barely knoew each other (less than 7 months) and almost our whole first year of marriage was hateful, BUT we stuck it out and I have never been happier. Marriage gives you a sense of security, love, and that everything is how it should be in the world.

Insanity

Why is it that men always think that they are the ones that everyone "asks" so much from. Not that may husband doesn't do a lot BUT really he acts like I don't do anything sometimes. So it is like 110 degrees outside and I REALLY don't want to bring my babies out in the heat ESPECIALLY with out broken car A/C, so say " I really need to grocery shopping sometime but it's too hot to bing the kids." He proceeds to tell me how the if will be hard to get a sitter. REALLY can't HE watch them? STRIKE ONE! Then a few minutes later he tells me how unfair it is that "everyone" depends on him and everything is always put on him...OMG I wanted to start laughing. STRIKE 2! Long story short I told him to get his stuff together, prioritize, and if he needed to take a break for a couple days. He shaped up and was fine when he left )back down to STIRKE 1!)

This drives me nuts, mostly because I know where it is all coming from and he keeps doing it to himself. It's his FATHER!!! Nothing is ever good enough for the man, he blames everything on everyone else or the "devil/his demons", and he is only out for himself. My husband is jsut desperately trying to achieve his approval just keeps going back like an abused dog. No matter how many fights it causes between the two of us, how it makes him feel about himself, or the numerous times he has been let down by his dad, he just keeps going back for more thinking things will be different. I understand that he is going to have to figure this out on his own, and for a while it seems like he has then it starts all over again? I remember hearing the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. How is our marriage suppose to survive my husbands insanity? He turns into a comletely different person and is always angry and stressed. What is it going to take for him to just let go?

I understand it's his father but it's not like they had some stellar relationship growing up. He actually uses how is father was as what not to do or become! I just pray that one day he will wake up and realize that he has me and the kids; and a man who doesn't have anything to offer but critizism isn't worth his time. My husband is truly a wonderful man and a great father and we are lucky to have him! I just hope he gets it sooner than later!

Starter

I am starting this blog as a way to vent out my everyday frustrations, but also as a way I can recall all of the wonderfully breath taking moments of my life. Everything from an amazing movie night with my loves to my oldest,Wyatt, throwing his brother on the floor because he was trying to watch Dora and Cash thought it would be funny turn it off. There are many high and low points throughout the day and I am hoping an outlet will help me to maintain my many roles as wife, mother, cook,housekeeper, and full time student with less complaining.


I am also very opinionated so using this blog as a sounding board will hopefully help me keep my mouth shut at times!